


thinking of you, more than I ever wanted to.

by attackkill



Category: Half Live VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, THE soft benrey., They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), slight angst I guess, takes place vaguely in the beginning of hlvrai probably, touch-starved benrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24524551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attackkill/pseuds/attackkill
Summary: benrey and gordon have a little conversation about their feelings and stuffyou know. gayly. yes.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 210





	thinking of you, more than I ever wanted to.

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me because i havent written anything seriously in over a year, i hope you enjoy anyways""

Benrey wasn’t usually the kind to explore their feelings. They never thought too much about that stuff, and they’d never had to. Until today.  
God, Gordon made them think. He made them think a lot. Benrey played with their hair nervously as they contemplated how they felt towards the man. They were sitting on the floor, thinking of how he had a crush on some dude he met at work. How stupid was that?

“Uh… Benrey? You alright?”  
A familiar voice snapped them out of their trance. They jumped a bit, but quickly regained their usual apathetic expression. They quickly put their helmet back on, not used to having their hair exposed around other people.  
“What do you want.” It was more of a statement than a question, coming from Benrey.  
“I was just checking up on you, uh, since you seem a bit spaced out?” answered Gordon. He looked a bit nervous, probably because Benrey was staring him directly in the eye. Their gaze could be slightly threatening at times.  
“You don’t have to, man.” They looked away from Gordon, partially because of embarrassment and partly to act like they didn’t care. They did, in fact, care. They were flattered Gordon apparently cared enough to check up on them, but they were probably overanalyzing it, right? They-  
“Benrey, seriously,” said Gordon, looking slightly concerned. “You keep looking distracted, are you sure everything’s okay? Look, I know I don’t usually, like, act like I care about you but, I mean, you’re acting weird, even for- just how you are..” 

Gordon then sat down on the floor next to Benrey, and put his hand on their shoulder. It felt different. It wasn’t like the times Gordon scolded them for acting annoying or yelling at them to leave him alone. It was nice, and Benrey was sure they’d never been touched even remotely affectionately. Or, at least, it had been a very long time.  
Benrey flushed slightly, luckily for them their helmet cast a shadow across half of their face, so they didn’t have to worry about Gordon seeing.  
They really liked Gordon. As if it wasn’t obvious, but they hoped it wasn't. At least they hoped Gordon didn’t know. He’d definitely reject them. 

“Do you wanna, like… talk about it?” Gordon asked gently. “You don’t have to but, I guess if it would make you feel better.”  
Benrey didn’t say anything. If they did, it would be a mess of words, because they sure weren’t thinking about anything but Gordon touching them right now. They were hyper-aware of Gordon’s hand on their shoulder, trying so hard not to make it clear how much they were enjoying his touch. They weren’t normally like this. If it were any other time, they’d throw some insults and teasing at the other, making fun of him or otherwise. But not now. They were thinking too much right now. Thinking far too much about Gordon. 

“I uh-” Benrey tried to say something, regardless. They regretted it almost instantly, because they knew they couldn’t say anything right now. They struggled to think of what to say. “You’re here. That’s what’s bothering me.” Was that too mean?  
Gordon took his hand off Benrey’s shoulder. They wish they wouldn’t have said that, because they wanted Gordon’s hand back where it was.  
“Uh- Okay. I understand.” Gordon started to stand up from where he was sitting next to Benrey.  
“Don’t go.” demanded Benrey. They didn’t know why they said that, maybe it was on impulse. It was a mistake. They sounded desperate. They sounded like a freak, a freak with a crush on Gordon Freeman, and an unrequited one at best.  
Gordon didn’t leave. He sat back down next to Benrey. He had a puzzled and even slightly frustrated look on his face.  
“Why are you here.” Asked Benrey, again, not really asking.  
“You said.. You didn’t want me to go? Fuck, you confuse me.” 

Benrey had no idea what to say. They wished they’d just made a joke or something, even insulted Gordon, because they were being genuine right now. They were being as open as they’d ever been. It truly wouldn’t seem like much, but Benrey was extremely closed off compared to anyone else. Their stoic persona made up for forming real bonds with people. They never had to.

“I don’t like you.” They said, looking away from Gordon again.  
“I know. I know you don’t like me! Look, I’m sorry for actually trying to be friends with you for once. I get it! I wouldn’t want to-” Gordon cut himself off before he started letting his pent up frustration slip out, more than it already had.  
“I don’t want to be your friend.” said Benrey.  
Gordon sighed. “I know you don’t, so-” He was cut off again, but this time not by himself.  
“I want more than that.” They were really in it now. They figured if they were going to be open to Gordon, might as well let him know the whole of it.  
Gordon’s eyes widened, realizing what they meant by that.  
Benrey took Gordon’s hand, and put it on their shoulder as it was before.  
“We- we can be more. If you want. I’m not- I wouldn’t… mind,” Gordon stuttered out. The truth was, Gordon liked Benrey too. Their constant teasing had an effect, maybe not the one they’d wanted exactly, but Gordon found it endearing. Even if it wasn’t meant to be. He’d admit, he’d developed some feelings for the other himself.  
Benrey got closer to Gordon. They wanted to kiss him, but they weren't sure how. They’d never done this, and they never thought it would be a possibility for them, so they never bothered trying.  
“Show me how to kiss.” they looked Gordon in the eyes again.  
They were so close to him, they could feel Gordon’s breathing on their face. Gordon moved his hand from Benrey’s shoulder to their face, and tilted his head to lean in to kiss Benrey. Gordon had kissed people before, but it wasn’t like this.  
Benrey’s mind was racing, the kiss was so nice. It made him feel a type of way that they’d never felt before in their life.  
They pulled away to look at Gordon. He was staring at them.  
“So, uh. More than friends?” asked Gordon.  
For the first time he’d ever seen other than his shitty smirk when they called him feetman or whatever, they smiled. They smiled at Gordon.  
Gordon thought he’d just stay on the floor with Benrey, just a little bit longer, and Benrey agreed.


End file.
